Maria Rotten’s Neighborhood

So I just watched the Preakness, and Big Brown won. He also won the Kentucky Derby, and both times it looked so easy for that horse. Unless he breaks his leg or something tragic, I think he'll become a triple crowner. The only horse I think could've challenged him was Eight Belles. She got second place and finished the race fine, but it was after she'd crossed the wire that she broke both of her front ankles. They euthanized her at the track. It's terrible, but when a horse breaks one leg it's hard enough to get them better. When they break two.. I can understand why they would just want to put her out of her pain now, especially after all the sadness with Barbaro and whatnot.

What's funny is while everyone wants Big Brown to be the triple crowner, I'm ready for an upset. I want the horse named after the teacher in Sleepy Hollow to charge up and take that upset win. I'm just morbid like that. I love the plot twist of it, like when a character dies in a show or when books don't have happily-ever-after endings. I couldn't tell you what it is. I'm just an evil person. Looking at me, I don't think anyone could guess how much being content bores me to tears. If you're going to feel something, whether it's good or bad, it's best felt at extremes. That's how I see it, anyways.

I'm dreading prom. I just want to get it over with. At this point, it's just become something I "have" to do, like a class. Sure, I was the one who chose to sign up for the class in the first place, but that doesn't mean I'm excited to take the finals. Plus, I know I'd feel worse if I didn't go, as much pain as preparing for prom is bringing me.

Today I got shoes. First I found a pair at Ross. Ali brought them over and they fit and were okay, but they were a bit too strappy. For some reason, the way certain straps are on high heels kind of grosses me out. I like shoes that look like friendly, pretty houses for my feet, not shoes that looks like some sort of torture device. These shoes looked nice though, and they were cheap, so I got them.

Then we were in Petaluma at Kmart, and Ali wandered into the shoe section. She seriously has a problem with this. Any store, any time, she'll go to the shoe section and put on all the weirdest shoes she can find. I happened to find a pair of heels that had practically the exact same front design as the ones I already had, but minus the back strap. The heel is a bit thicker and overall the shoe is a bit comfier and better. I got them too, and brought both pairs home to my mom.

Immediately she pointed out the ones with the straps around the heel and said those would be better, because I could dance in them more easily. I said I don't dance, and she acted like I just said I was impregnated by an alien and I'd like to keep the baby. You'd think after all the dances, homecomings, etc, that I haven't attended, she would have figured that out by now. I tried to explain that no one danced anymore, they just humped each other to the beat of music.

I'm not girly. I like my shoes flat and tough, I like to be outdoors, I like creepy things like spiders and snakes, and I don't like dancing. I don't like dressing up, doing make-up, doing hair, or talking about any of that.

Against Ali's opinion, against my mom's opinion, against the shoes I know people will admire more, I'm going to pick the clunky, comfortable ones. Why would I put myself through the pain of the other shoes? To look good when no one's looking? To feel good when I could care less what I look like? No, I'll be ugly and feel better, thanks.

Today was nice. I came home, laid around, went to the pool, took a cold shower, took a nap.. I've been dying for this kind of day forever. For something I didn't have fun doing, drama took a lot of my time. I have to remember not to get into anymore shitty classes or things like that in college. I'm such an idealist, I can look at any situation and imagine it better, so a lot of the time I forget to be real and look at it as it probably will be.
 
It's been so freaking hot lately.. It gives me tons of summer nostalgia, like the smell of sunscreen does. I want to go to the river and jump off cliffs with my cousins and drive through the redwood trees with the windows rolled down listening to the Talking Heads. I love those times more than anything. It's a big reason why I'm going to Humboldt, why I can get over the fact that I'm going to be the only straight-edge person up there, because I just love the area and the family I have there.

There's a few things I want to do over the summer. First and foremost, I want a job. I'm really not a heavy spender, but I hate asking my parents for money when I do need things. I'd rather spend my own money on my things than ask them for money at times.

Next, I'm going to take Jap at COM over the summer. I've had to wait like, a billion years to get the chance, but I finally get to. I need something to keep me off my ass and not sleeping in and turning into a couch potato. Hopefully it won't be too scary hard. I'm just interested in it for fun, really, I don't care too much about memorizing billions of characters.

On top of that, I'm hoping to lose some weight. It's important for me to stay focused. A lot of the time I'll start working on it, lose 5 pounds, feel accomplished and then get too high on my success and stop really trying.

Anyways, I can't sit in this room anymore. It's too hot. I can't handle this climate.

I really like my alone time. I love to sit in my car and just listen to music, or take long drives and just listen to music, or just go out and find some secluded place and sit there and listen to the wind. I love it because I don't do it for anyone but myself. It's different than going on the internet alone, or reading a book alone, because when I'm reading about characters or chatting or playing games, it's not really the same.

Today was the last day of the play. We strike the set tomorrow, and I'm glad. I don't really care for drama, and while I liked the musicals, I wasn't even very attached to those. After curtain call though, we were all just standing around and everyone was hugging and getting flowers.. I hate that time, and I usually make myself as busy as I can cleaning up so I can avoid the obvious lack of love for me in that crowd, but with drama there isn't much to do. Ryan came up to me after the show tonight and he gave me a hug, and it was so kind of him because it wasn't like one of those awkward crowd situations where he was kind of obligated to hug everyone.

I don't know if it was completely random or if he knew I was feeling down, but it was still nice. It's kind of frustrating how it's so easy for me to lie nowadays. I mean, sometimes when I'm lying about something funny I can't help but smile, but when it comes to my thoughts and my feelings I feel like the biggest faker in the world. Yeah, yeah, the world doesn't revolve around me, but I wish I could at least feel like I actually had my feet on this world. Sometimes I just feel like a ghost. I don't stand out, I don't make an impression, people don't know who I am. I never really get compliments.

In the end, it's always just me. I can't see myself having a life where I have lots of solid friends, or a family. The only thing I can see for sure being in the future is me, with my hobbies, and my thoughts. At least I'm the kind of person who can do okay on only that much.

I'm getting myself really depressed now. I'm just gonna go to bed. Screw school tomorrow, seriously.

Okay, so I just finished the Host. And I just have to talk about it. So, don't read it if you don't want to be spoiled. But come back and read this post when you have read the book, because I want to talk to somebody about it!

(Highlight to read.)

Overall, it was amazing. I ate this book up so quickly. I was getting pretty close to saying it was better than the Twilight series, and then I read the ending.



I loved the interactions between Wanderer and Melanie. Melanie's side of things is what really drew me in, and in the beginning I lived for the little excerpts of her memory that Wanderer experienced. Then I grew to love Wanderer as I realized that she was a really deep character, and I love how they called her Wanda. Jeb is hilarious, and Meyer made a Jared fan out of me right from the beginning.



Ian frustrates me, a lot. I sort of started to like him towards the middle of the book, when he was only acting as Wanda's bodyguard and not some super-obsessed fanboy. In the middle he was kind of the voice of reason, and he seemed really smart and real and cool. Then his love for Wanda began to emerge, and as it did I saw a more shallow side to him that kind of washed away my old good thoughts of him. Ian is a big reason why I didn't like the ending. I mean, the two biggest relationships for me were Wanda and Jared and Melanie and Jared. I loved how they fought over him, and Wanda was kissing Jared one minute and then punching him in the face the next.. That was hilarious, despite it actually being a depressing scene.



I really had no idea that the book was going to have a sequel. I mean, I did have this huge hunch that Meyer was going to pull some magical trick at the end and go "WAIT, WANDA DOESN'T DIE BECA- Oh, see you in book two!" I was bawling when Wanda went out for the surgery. And what Doc said to her before she died.. Oh man, it was so sad. In a way, it was good, though. I mean, I had a little idea about Wanda getting put into some other body, but I didn't think that had to mean a sequel.



When Wanda realized Ian was the burning magma to her life or whatever it was, I was kind of disappointed. I mean, I really liked Jared. I still do. He not only seems to be a better-developed character, but Meyer just gave him much more appeal. She's either being really stupid about it, or she's doing it intentionally, kind of how she made Jacob a bit mean in Twilight so that the reader didn't like him so much that Edward paled in comparison. Ian's a nice guy, and I really tried to like him.. but who am I fooling, I don't like him.



I didn't like Wanda in her new body, either. I liked her in the tough, strong body. Her determination at the end, when she decided to die to let Melanie live, was really impressive and I gained a ton of respect for her character at that point. It didn't seem to carry over to that new body, though. And I miss Melanie as Wanda's conscience, as much as it pained me to see such a vibrant character like Melanie crammed in the back of Wanda's head.



However, the very very ending did give me some hope. Especially meeting the other "soul gone native." And he was from the Fire world - ohhh my goodness I have some scary feelings about this character. I swear, right away when Meyer mentioned just his silhouette, I totally knew.



I have high hopes for the next book. If Meyer knows what she's doing, she'll bring back the elements she abandoned at the end of the Host - the relationship between Wanda and Jared more specifically, and Melanie's presence in it all. I can see Ian going crazy or doing something really bad and impulsive. I mean, he is Kyle's brother. If Meyer pulls another New Moon on us with Jared I'm going to flip a bitch.



With that ending, though, there has to be a sequel.

I really want to start making bentos as a hobby now! :D The possibilities are endless and I just love the idea of making cute things out of food. I was thinking about how cool it would be to have a little service for making bento for people. Who wouldn't want an extremely kawaii boxed lunch from your loved one? Here are some examples that I found:

KAWAII NE?! I really like the hotdog flowers.

And finally, check out these amazing Naruto bentos. There are too many sugoi ones to post here.
If you'd like to make bento with me, contact me! It'd be fun! ^_^

I don't know what it is, but I haven't been in the mood to post lately. It's kind of like how a lot of writers wish they had a terrible, angsty childhood because it would better their writing. There just isn't a whole lot of inspiration towards writing pages and pages about how happy someone is.

Today I took the Entry Level Mathematics test. It was ridiculously easy, but what was weird was seeing all of these people who were my age but I didn't know. I'm so used to seeing the same faces every day, then I'm thrown into a room where I know no one and yet there are many potential friends here (I saw one guy in a Humboldt shirt) and it's just.. strange. Everyone seemed unsure of how to act, except for one blond idiot in the back who talked about how he fell off the top of a golf cart. It's like, we're stuck in our teenage mindsets, but most of us are smart enough to know how to be mature, so we don't really know how to act. Do we keep up that judgmental barrier, or are we friendly and try to talk to others?

I know that there's always been more people than those at San Marin, but it was really refreshing to see physical proof that there are still people I haven't met. What's funny is a lot of people came with their parents. I was the only person I saw who drove myself, and it made me feel good. The test itself was pretty easy. There were a few I couldn't figure out and just guessed, but it wasn't extremely stressful. However, I did so much math in my head that the rest of the day I've been seeing equations. I can still remember the numbers I multiplied and all the long division I had to do by hand (no calculators).. It's freaky.

Other than that, things have been going well. I wake up at 6am everyday nowadays and it really makes a day good. Sleeping in leaves me so lazy and heavy and unmotivated for the whole day, but getting up not only gives me extra time, but I tend to sleep better and am motivated to get shit done. I think waking up with the sun and not after it catalyzes a lot of good energy for me. Plus I can't help but love it when I call someone and accidentally wake them up and then think wow, while you were sleeping I had breakfast, took a shower, cleaned my room and watched some TV.

Lately I have found all of this cute shit online. *_* While randomly surfing the net, I saw a totemo kawaii Hello Kitty bento. I went crazy and looked up all of these different bentos and I found one that I'd like to make Dylan. (You cannot deny the awesome-ness of the face on that sio pao! It's kind of dumb, but I think it'd be cute to wake up early, don a little 50's apron and make bento. Heeeee =3

I also would love to have something...anything from Cute Plush. (Now if only Alex saw this...) I found out about this store from one of the female smashers on AiB, Milktea. She's the girl modeling the hats. I really want a necklace or earrings.

Le sigh....the kawaii-ness!!!

After reading Zijin's blog about "Why Brawl will kill the Smash community," I sat there contemplating. I actually went on Youtube and watched a lot of Melee videos and now I don't know what I was thinking when I thought, 'All right. Brawl is the new Smash. Just play that.' Oh how dumb that was. Brawl and Melee I believe have pretty different aspects to offer. When I say aspects, I don't mean game content (ie. new characters, stages, music, etc.). I'm talking about the way the game is played. Zijin describes Brawl to be "technically and strategically shallow" the more he plays it. Now, I know 105% that I have not played as much as much as Zijin, but I see where he's coming from. I am no where near as good as most players, but I do see a huge difference in gameplay between the games. Melee has more technqiues (ie. the infamous wavedashing) and actual depth to the fighting than Brawl. Brawl leans more towards defense,.

Thing is, I want to give Brawl more time. In my opinon, this Smash is still new and maybe it's too soon to say that it will "kill the Smash community." While I felt that his argument about Brawl being more on the defensive side to be true, I don't think that would ultimately kill the community. I want to look at Brawl as a new challenge, a new way to play Smash. Although veterans of Melee dislike things like the elimination of wavedashing, I think the Melee veterans should rise up to the challenge and conquer this game, too.

In fact, I believe that just because Brawl is out that we should toss Melee aside. I also believe that just because a lot of old players don't like Brawl that they should toss it aside either. A true Smash player will continue to attend/host tourneys for both games and appreciate/master the different aspects that Melee and Brawl has to offer.

I found a new nerdy indulgence:

www.allisbrawl.com

I'm shatting my pants. Yeah, shat. That's how good it is. But damn, gotta read that biochem chapter for tomorrow...:\