Senioritis to the Maximus

This week has to be the most crucial and hectic of my entire senior year yet i've been taking it really lightly. i just don't feel like stressing over things i usually do. i think part of it is due to the fact that i'm not even really caring about either the AP or the English paper. it's like BERB you can seriously you can go suck your own nuts at this point cuz mine are dried out from this entire year having you, and i don't feel as passionate to write a paper like i would last year seeing i felt i was actually doing something important and wellworth my time and effort. AP photo is a fucking joke. i feel so fucking unprepared and at this point im freaking about meeting their own fucking standards rather than whether they like my work or not.  i just feel bad about the 30 or so dollar fee my parents are paying for :(

Prom is coming up. SHIT that's all i gotta say. in a perfect world i'd wanna go and get a really cute dress and uber cute shoes and have this amazing skin complexion all over my body and i wouldn't be as hairy and i'd be going with all my favorite people ever and we'd all have amazing dates who all get along and go in hella old school nice cars and have a great time and party like its no tomorrow after the dance....only here's the reality:
    I feel torn about going cuz i don't wanna go through the whole ordeal of finding a dress big enough for my ginormous body. spending a bunch of money, convincing and making sure i'll have people to go with. attempt to find a date cuz it would be nice to go w/ a guy, too bad it'd be awkward cuz i have the worst 2 left feet ever. i don't feel like making an ass of myself around people i don't get along with. it just feels like too much of a forced effort. the funny part is that i'd totally go to Novato High's prom due to the fact i wouldn't know anyone there and not give abig a shit.

i ran into spencer morris today during 4th and i asked him if he'd like to go to dinner w/ anna and myself next weekend and he was down. i asked him if he was gonna go to prom and he said yeah most likely. i asked him if he had a date i suggested if he didn't have one that we should go and he said yeah, maybe he wasn't sure if he wanted to go though it was more like his friends were going,  he assumed he would too.

see fucking shit i actually asked and seeing him and i go way back and he's a big sweetheart even then it's like shit dood do "I" even wanna go....blehhhh

part of me wants to go with a specific person but im too old fashioned and shy to ask, so i'd rather not.